A New Way

by Valorie Istre

I grew up going to a Baptist Church where my uncle was the preacher.
I made good grades and had a good childhood.

Nothing about my childhood pointed to addiction, but that’s where I found myself.
Addicted to drugs, on a constant hunt for my next high.

I started using at 19 years old to keep up with my lifestyle.
I wanted to work and I wanted to party. 
Drugs allowed me to do both.

Then, it became my entire life.

That’s how it is for an addict.
If you’re happy, you get high.
If you’re mad, you get high.
If you’re sad, you get high.

I fought this addiction for the next 15 years of my life.
I started dating a guy in 2015 and we remained in our lifestyle until 2017.

I finally got sober on July 18, 2017.
I got clean, went back to church, and finally got my boys back from my dad.

Then, in August 2018, I got pregnant with my youngest boy.
I thought that everything was finally how it should be…
Then the guy I was with left me at seven months pregnant.

My flesh wanted to give up and get high.
I was angry at God and empty inside.

I put in the hard work to get sober only for my world to be turned upside down.
Despite my flesh and temptations, something told me not to give up.
I had nothing to turn to except for Him.

I started asking God questions:
Why are you testing me this early into my sobriety?
Why are you allowing this to happen now?
What are you trying to do here?

I spiraled downward into a very dark place.
I never used, but was deeply depressed.

At the end of 2018, God made a way out for me.
I now know He had been making a way all along.

Tiffany asked me to start volunteering at Wells of Agape and attending their recovery program.
From there, I started going to Life church where my walk with Christ began.

I kept walking, trusting that God would get me to the other side.
I clung to songs that declare God was a waymaker.
I started hearing answers from God.

He told me that my situation didn’t happen to hurt me.
It showed me how to deal with trauma and stay sober.
It taught me how to walk through the wilderness.
It allowed me to keep my promise to my children.
It eventually led to me meeting my husband.

There were many times when I felt like the light at the end of the tunnel would never come,
but He marched me out of my wilderness.
He led me through the darkness.
He guided me into the light.
He was there.

Even when I struggled.
Even when I was tempted.
Even when I was under attack.
He was there, working and making a new way.

God uprooted me from where I was to grow me into who He wanted me to be.

I didn’t have to backtrack or start over from the beginning. 
He made a new path for me right where I was.

It sounds cliche, but you truly have to seek God before all else.
Any time I have leaned on my own understanding or tried taking control, I made things worse.
It was when I left it in God’s hands and trusted His grander plan that my life was turned around. 

Because He is a waymaker. 
That is Who He was for me.
That is Who He will forever be.