Through It All

by Vikki Lytle

My parents handed me over to my grandparents when I was just a few months old.
I always assumed that they just weren’t ready to be parents. 
What seemed to be betrayal became a huge blessing.

My childhood was wonderful.
I was raised by a village, literally.
I lived with my grandparents, but was cared for and molded by them, my parents, Nanny, and my siblings. 

My grandma raised me in church, and I was saved at the age of 9.
I was a good kid. I loved the Bible. I loved Jesus. I loved church.
I would later realize that I loved Him, but didn’t follow Him.

I had been playing religion, not building a relationship with Jesus. 

At 16, I gave in to peer pressure and fell into a world of drugs and lies. 
My faith was tested, and I failed.

The next several years were marked by getting high, stealing to supply, and taking beatings.
I ran with a rough crowd full of thieves, junkies, addicts, and abusers. 

At 22, God picked me up from my mess, looked me in the face, and said, 
GO HOME.
You’re not gonna do that anymore.
We’re not doing this anymore. 

I remember feeling relief, freedom, and gratitude. 
I wanted to keep this newfound freedom.
I wanted to stay sober and safe.

I told God, I don’t want another man, but if you think I need one pick him and send him to me.

Two years later, Randy walked into my life.
He helped put my pieces back together. 
He loved me and my kids. 

God was working in my life, but my heart had been so dulled from my past. 

I watched my Aunt Pam pick my kids up for church every Sunday morning until God got ahold of me again.
I remember standing at the front door waving my kids off to church in my house robe and God saying,
You know better than that!! Don’t you want your kids to know me?
That’s all it took.

I got back into church and reunited with old school friends, Donna and LaDonna.

After going through several situations of church hurt and betrayal, I realized that I had been looking to the preacher and the church instead of looking at Jesus. I fixed my eyes on him and rededicated my life to Christ at 33 years old. 

I went in and out of church for the next several years until Tracie Wood invited me to a small group through Bridge Point Fellowship. This group set me on the right path with the right people. I have been in small groups ever since.
I met Crystal Loga in my second small group, and she became the one who saved my faith.
She took me in, taught me, and got me into church. 

When I first started visiting Bridge Point after being in their small groups, I felt nothing.
I would leave feeling like I didn’t get anything. I wasn’t hearing from God.
The enemy kept telling me that there was no use in going.

God spoke again.
He said that I wasn’t going to get anything if I wasn’t expecting to get anything.
He told me that I needed to bring my expectations and He would do the rest. 
I haven’t stopped chasing Jesus with expectation since that moment. 

It was during my Matchless study that Lyndell told me I got my spiritual eyes.
I saw Him everywhere. 

Jesus is all throughout the Bible, and He has been here all throughout my life.

I had been hearing God all along, but I still wasn’t seeing Him clearly.
I knew He was working in my life, but I didn’t see the big picture.
I looked back and saw the thousands of ways God would show Himself. All along He was saying,
I’m still here, and I’m going to keep coming back until you look and listen.

Now that I see Him, I want to obey Him.
I want to honor Him and glorify Him.

I spent too much time trying to do it on my own.
Too much time walking with no direction.
Too much time without Him.

I don’t want to go another day without my Father.

Each day I pray to be used.
I pray that He will lead me. 
I pray that His will be done.

It took me many years to see the pain I was carrying because of my parents giving me up.
It was at Real Talk last month that God showed me that stronghold that the enemy had on me.

He showed me that I was carrying offense and bitterness. 
He showed me the deep pain that I had been ignoring.
He reminded me that He had been there the whole time.
He reassured me that He would continue to use it for His good.

God didn’t want me to walk through all of that pain, but He used it.

Because of my dark walk with drugs, my siblings never once touched a drug.
Because my parents gave me up, I was raised with a strong foundation of faith.
Because I got pregnant in the middle of addiction, I walked away from abuse. 

And because of Jesus, I am free, healed, and whole.
Because of Jesus, I have a purpose and a mission.
Because of Jesus, I am saved. 

I have done too much in my life to believe that He isn’t real.
I have been in too deep to believe that He doesn’t heal.

He knew me from the beginning.
He has been with me through it all.
He will be with me forever. 

I formed you in the womb.
I know everything about you.
I will protect you always.

Jeremiah 1:5