The Ministry of Listening
“My mom asks how my day was then immediately gets on her phone”
“Yeah, my parents want me to sit with them in the living room, then they don’t even pay attention to me.”
I remember the day I overheard this conversation in my classroom. It was two years ago, but now burned into my memory.
I felt an array of emotions: heartbreak, conviction, eye-opening inspiration.
I realized how easily we make others feel unheard.
I realized how vital it was to listen to my students.
I realized the importance of my attention.
This conversation also opened my eyes to the lack of listening in my own life.
The way lack of listening breaks down communication with my spouse.
The way I mindlessly nod instead of giving meaningful feedback.
The way I have dismissed my son rather than devote my focus.
That classroom conversation came to mind again a few days ago.
As I replayed their small, but significant discussion,
the Lord began dealing with me.
We enter discussions clouded by our own preconceived notions.
We ask questions with no intention of truly hearing the answer.
We start conversations, then get lost in a sea of distractions.
We bring our own agendas, ready to act before we hear.
“Listening is ministry.”
I thought about how Jesus knew everything about everyone He encountered, yet still took time to hear them. He still listened to their fears and failures. He still heard their heartbreak and need for healing.
Not because He didn’t know, but because He wanted to hear it from them. He knew that listening was the open door to loving. He knew that hearing would become healing.
How much more should we listen?
I’m sure we have all been the one missing the moments to minister,
and instead making assumptions and choosing conclusions.
Your child is throwing a tantrum again…they just want their way.
Your husband is quiet and seems off…he must be in a bad mood again.
Your teen is retreating to their room….they don’t want anything to do with us.
Your friend hasn’t responded to your messages…they must be too busy for you.
Fools have no interest in understanding;
They only want to air their own opinions.
Spouting off before listening to the facts
is both shameful and foolish.
Intelligent people are always ready to learn.
Their ears are open for knowledge.
Proverbs 18: 2, 13, 15
The cost of not listening far outweighs the costs to take the time to hear. By choosing not to listen (or even have a conversation) we are revealing our pride and selfishness, telling the speaker they are unimportant, and missing out on a chance to learn, understand, and connect.
How would these moments look if we chose the ministry of listening?
Listening is more than giving attention to hear.
It is where you begin to get to know someone.
It is the birthplace of compassion and love.
It is an opportunity for encouragement.
Your child may have an unmet need or be unable to express their full desire.
Meet them with, “Can you tell me what you want or need?”
*I fully understand that toddlers can be toddlers at times.
Your husband may be feeling pressure or stress from work.
Greet him sincerely with, “Is there something I can do to help you?”
Your teen may be feeling unheard, insecure, or exhausted.
Ask them about their interests and stay engaged and positive.
Keep critical comments to a minimum and don’t give up.
Giving up on the conversation feels like you’re giving up on them.
Your friend may feel unseen, unheard, or burdensome.
Send a quick text, “I’m here if you need to talk.”
Check back in if they don’t respond.
As I reflected on the effects of being heard in my own life,
the Lord laid out a few ways that listening is ministry.
Listening breaks walls and builds bonds.
A friend of mine stepped in as youth pastor without much notice last year. She called one afternoon asking about how I build relationships and trust with students in my rooms. I told her a few first-day activities that I incorporated before telling her my secret: I just listen.
Her response was so real and relatable: “But they talked about Chick-Fil-A sauce for literally fifteen minutes!” I told her, “Then for fifteen minutes you have never been more interested in Chick-Fil-A sauce.”
When they see that you care about the little things, they will bring you the big things.
When they bring you the big things, you’ll have an opportunity to speak life.
Listening allows us to take appropriate action.
As your kids, spouse, students, or friends begin to open up,
you’ll have a better idea of what action is needed.
How many times have we said…
“I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“I wish you would have told me.”
When we create rhythms of listening, we will be able to better meet needs.
There have been seasons where my son needed more hands-on engagement.
Seasons where my spouse needed me to slow down for our home.
Seasons where students needed a little extra time.
I would have never known if I didn’t listen.
Listening leads to restoration and reconciliation.
I think we can see now the doors of opportunity opened when we turn our ears and attentions towards one another. The conversation that leads to understanding and compassion. The moments waiting to be marked with encouragement and grace. The discussions that can acknowledge differences and discover solutions.
How many relationships are one conversation away from restoration?
I sat and wrote to myself as to never forget that classroom conversation.
The last thing I scribbled was, “The ones closest often need it most.”
Our spouse. Our kids. Our parents. Our coworkers.
The people we get used to.
The ones we tend to tune out.
The ones we love the most, but often listen to the least…
I am thirty-one years old and I can still feel the way that my mom clings to our conversations when I’m ready and willing to talk. Some days I call to ask questions. Some days I call to coordinate plans. And every once in a while, I call just to talk. I can sense her on the other end of the line. She slows down. She stops what she is doing. She listens…and it matters.
What next?
They talked. I listened.
Validate what they have said.
Give advice where it applies.
Ask questions to clarify or dig deeper.
Take action as needed.
