A Weight Lifted

by Kelli Lincecum

Everyone walks around with weights.
Things that burden them and break them.
Things that cause heartache and feel heavy.

My “weight” has always been my weight… 

I am thankful for my foundation.
I grew up in an Assembly of God church, where I learned Bible stories and worship songs.
My mother taught me everything I needed to know about prayer, worship, and knowing God.

Eventually, we moved churches so that I could be a part of a youth group.
As I grew into a teenager, my knowledge about God grew, but so did my insecurities. 

I worried about what others thought about me.
I wondered if others found me valuable and worthy.
I went to war with myself, allowing my weight to become my target enemy. 

I had the knowledge of God’s Word, but it didn’t resonate with me.
I knew I was made in His image.
I knew that God looks at the heart.
I knew it, but I didn’t believe it for me. 

I fell into the lie that losing weight would make me worthy.
Losing weight would make me a better person.
Losing weight would make me desirable.

I graduated high school at my thinnest, then went to college and quickly became my heaviest.
I put on a lot of weight, physically and emotionally.

As the weight increased, so did feelings of darkness and depression.

The cycle started.
My weight led to me being unhappy, and my unhappiness made me gain weight

I reached a point of complete hopelessness.
I gave up on everything
Gave up on losing weight.
Gave up on finding someone to love me.
Gave up on any kind of healthy future for myself.

In 2016, I met my husband unexpectedly.
He began showing me God’s love without even realizing it.
He loved me for who I was.
He opened my eyes to the truth.

In 2018, my grandfather passed away.
He was my biggest influence and my saving grace. Before he passed away, he made sure I was saved.

My husband’s love and my grandfather’s guidance pushed me to start living out what I knew.
I joined a small group, began believing God’s Word, and prayed. 

This sparked a serious attempt to lose weight.
I was working my spiritual muscles, now I needed to work my physical body.
Every time I looked in the mirror, I hated what I saw. It was obvious that something had to change.

So, I changed.
I changed my diet, worked out daily, and even discovered a love for running.
I successfully lost 55 pounds!

This was just the beginning of my spiritual and physical fitness test.

In July 2020, I married my husband.
I was at an all time high.
I had love, and I was at my thinnest.

Five months later, I found out I was pregnant.
My entire world felt as if it flipped upside down.
Even in gratitude, my mind was on my weight.

 The enemy took ahold of my insecurities and brought me back to that place he had me in before:
You’re going to gain all of your weight back.
You’re not going to be worthy anymore.
You might as well give up on your health.

I gave up on myself, again.
I returned to darkness and bad eating habits.
I just waited for me to reach “fat” again.

In August 2021,Kyle Henry was born.
I gained 60 pounds, but I also gained a blessing from God.

Through my pregnancy God took me through a valley.
He walked me through insecurities and fear, and to the other side.
He showed me that truth; I am wonderfully made.
He rescued my identity and reassured me that I am loved
...and nothing can separate me from His love.

For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39

In the last few months, I have been reminded me that not only did God form and knit Kyle in my womb,
but he formed and knitted me in my mother’s womb too.
He planned for me and gave me a purpose long ago.
He breathed life into me and loves me radically.
He saw my sins and still chose to die to save me.

Now, I have a little boy to instill that love in.
I don’t want my son to ever doubt God’s love for him,
I am going to show Him God through my daily decisions.
I am going to show Him what it looks like to honor God spiritually, mentally, and physically.

Kyle Henry has shifted my why.

My first attempts at weight loss were for me.
To show me I was loved.
To prove that I was worthy.

I have come to peace with where I am, while striving to become better.

Now, I am losing weight to honor God.

I am losing weight to be a healthy me.
To honor God and give Him glory.
To show my tiny disciple self-control.
To teach my son how to be healthy.

My son will see me read my Bible.
My son will see me make healthy food choices.
My son will see me go to God in prayer.
My son will see me workout even when I don’t want to.
My son will see a woman who honors God in all that she does.

This weight is no longer about me.
It’s about honoring God and leading my son.

More importantly, this burden is no longer mine to carry.

Jesus died on the cross to make me worthy and whole.
He died to give me the power to overcome.
He died to carry my burdens.
He died because He loves me.

I look back and see so many years spent hiding in shame and insecurity.
So much time wasted believing what the enemy says about me,
instead of believing what God says about me.

Through trying and failing, and finally surrendering, I have learned a few thing:

God created us with purpose.

He handmade you. He handpicked you.
He spent time on every detail about you.

God has to be first in the process.

You can’t do it without Him.
You can’t overcome without Him.
Whether it’s weight, drugs, lust, or fear,  you will not be victorious without God.

God will be your power.

When you want to give in or give up, remember God’s truth.
His power works best in our weakness.
When we surrender, we give God room to move.

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

Surrender your battle.
Encounter His power.
Give Him the glory.