God of Miracles

by Cassie Bearden

In 2017, I found myself stuck between an unanswered prayer and a miracle. 
Part of me was praising God, but part of me couldn’t understand prayer.
I had believed with full faith and declared with my whole heart.
I had no doubt that God could and would work miracles…

I grew up in the Catholic church, attending youth conferences and conventions.
I had some great experiences, but nothing was life-changing or saving.

I fell off the path throughout high school and college, I made some ugly decisions.
I came to a place where I didn’t even know what my beliefs were.
I believed Jesus was real, but didn’t see how He fit in my life. 

My ugly decisions and doubts spilled into my marriage. 
My husband and I were married with a broken foundation. 
A foundation with no loyalty or commitment. 

During our first year of marriage, I had an affair. 
I told my husband what was happening. 
We divorced in 2014. 

Six months later, we decided that we wanted to try to work through things.
We saw that we loved each other and didn’t want to quit. 
I moved back in and committed 100% to us. 

I was still lost and had a deep longing for something more, but I remained loyal. 
I didn’t know that the massive void in my heart was something only Jesus could satisfy. 

Then, my world was rocked. 

All at once, my husband decided he didn't want to try any longer
and I found out that my stepmom, a true angel, had cancer. 

I watched my world start crumbling around me.

That same week, I decided to attend Bloom, a women’s conference at Bridge Point Fellowship. 
I remember as Angie Smith spoke about Hosea and Gomer, I turned into a weeping mess. 
For the first time in my life, I felt God’s love and grace surround me and wrap me up. 
As the Gospel came to life, I was saved and decided right then to live for Jesus. 

Shortly after Bloom, I had a dream that as I walked into Bridge Point, I found my pastors on the front row. The church was empty except for Pastor Lance and Kim. I walked down the aisle towards them, and they both gave me the biggest hug. I woke up knowing that was my church home. 

I began attending every Sunday, and every Sunday I went up for prayer. I told every couple I encountered that I needed my marriage restored. At least three different times, the couple praying for me had walked through the same thing and came out victorious…all because of Jesus. 

I continued to fight spiritually for my marriage while my stepmom fought physically. 

I realized that even though my world had been shaken, I felt the most joy and peace.
I was clinging to God’s Word and watching it come alive before my eyes. 
Promises, affirmations, and prophecies jumped off the pages. 

After months of begging for God to move my mountains.
Months of declaring and praising. 
Months of battling…

My marriage was healed, but my stepmom was not. 
She passed away in August of 2017. 

My child-like faith was completely broken.
My spirit that praised was crushed. 

I watched a totally dead marriage be brought back to life,
but I couldn’t see past the unanswered prayer.
I was angry, bitter, and confused. 

I had prayed. 
I believed.

Why was one prayer answered and one not?

For years, I walked through bitterness.
I was closed off and completely numb. 
I was in a never-ending silent season.
I tried to go through the motions,
but I was stuck.

I couldn't understand singing to the God of miracles after not getting the miracle.

I couldn't understand how I could fully declare
and believe if my faith was going to get crushed. 

I wanted to let go, but I didn’t know how to. 
I wanted to open back up to Him, but I couldn’t.

I reached out to several people for guidance and direction.
I was given a few books to read and told to go through the Psalms.

I decided that I was going to church. I was going to keep reading His Word.
And I was going to sing to the God of miracles until I believed it again.

While I was seeking breakthrough, one of my stepsisters developed a deep pain in her head. 
I had been told of a woman who prayed healing over people, so I called her. 
I had to keep believing and keep praying, despite my dry season. 

We prayed over my stepsister and then continued the conversation.
I told Mrs. Bonnie that I needed breakthrough and my heart to open. 

She ended the call to pray and receive answers, and she told me to call back an hour later.
Her first question when I called back was, Have you been baptized by water and the Holy Ghost?
She started reading verses about baptism, freedom, and receiving.  
She said that it’s all about faith, and faith comes from His Word.

I felt discouraged because I felt that I knew that.
I knew in my head that I needed to grow my faith. 
I knew that I needed to get into God’s Word, 
I knew that I wanted more.

But I did what she said.
I started digging into my Bible.

At first, I played the flip open and read game. 
Day after day, I found myself reading passages and verses on baptism. 
I felt God starting to speak and lead me towards baptism.

The very next day I read Mark 1:
9 At that time Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. 10 Just as Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. 11 And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.”

I had been baptized as a baby and I knew that I was saved, so I was unsure what to do.
I texted my small group and asked about being baptized as an already-saved adult.
They guided and encouraged me, explaining water baptism as a declaration of faith.

While I continued studying and seeking, I had a friend invite me to go listen to Ivan Tait speak.
I went excited and expectant after my friend said that it would be a baptism service. 
At the end of the message, he spoke declarations over us as we worshiped.

Right there in the middle of worship, months after begging for breakthrough, my heart burst open. 

It felt like my heart physically opened up. 
I felt love flow out of me like a rushing river. 
I felt the mountain from in front of me move.

The mountain of bitterness that blocked me from God. 
The mountain of disappointment and discouragement.
The mountain that came from unanswered prayers. 
The mountain that moved when I surrendered.

That night 2 Timothy came to me in my sleep. 
I know it was God, because honestly I didn’t even know there was a 2 Timothy. 
During the dream there was a brief image of a man writing in a candlelit room. 

I woke up and started looking through the first chapter. 
2 Timothy 1:6 made my heart jump: 
For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God,
which is in you through the laying on of my hands.

Fan the flame. 
I felt like that is what I had been trying to do for so long:
Move a huge mountain and fan a tiny flame.
Finally, I saw movement.

I called a friend and told her that I had truly experienced Jesus.
I told her about the worship night where I had breakthrough.
I left out the dream and asked, Where do I go from here?

Her answer was the sweetest confirmation from God: 
She said to fan the flame like it says in 2 Timothy 1:6.

As I write my story, I can see how God works. 
He speaks and He moves.
He comforts and confirms.
He heals and restores.

It isn’t instant, it’s a slow walk.
One foot in front of the other.
Day after day.

He walked me to a miracle in my marriage,
then He walked me through an unanswered prayer. 

I don’t know where God is leading me next, but I know that I want to work for His Kingdom.
I want to be used in my daily life to make His grace and goodness known. 
I want to help lead people out of their darkness and hurt. 
I want people to experience and know Jesus. 

I know what it’s like to live without Jesus. 
I know what it’s like to be bitter and hurt. 
I know what it’s like to seek in silence. 

Now, I know what it’s like to break through the silence. 
I know what it’s like to be changed by His Spirit. 
I know what it’s like to experience true freedom.

Now that I know, I don’t want to walk in silence. 
I want to keep fanning the flame.
I want to cry out day after day. 

In Luke 19:40, Jesus says, 
If they keep quiet, even the stones will cry.

I spent many years letting the rocks cry out for me. 
I won’t go another day without praising God. 
The God of breakthrough. 
The God of miracles.